September 2, 2009

Coming To Terms

Life is all about ups and downs, I know that.  Part of being an adult is to have the balls to face not just the positive, but especially the negative stuff that life throws at us.  I've been saying that a lot to myself today as I face a looming appointment tomorrow evening, when I'll be taking my kitty to the vet for the very last time.  But knowing all these things about life and facing reality still doesn't make this task any easier.  Skye has been sick for a long while, and has been progressively getting worse.  She is blind, has a permanent upper respiratory condition, and shows various signs of neurological damage (weakness in her hind legs, some trouble walking, possible senility) which most likely is attributed to cancer.  The senility part has been slowly worsening, where now she is literally up all night crying & meowing and nothing I do will completely comfort her.....I truly believe this is because she is just so very disoriented.   Although she's still eating, she is drinking & peeing like crazy (probably due to the continuous loss of kidney function) and is for the most part no longer grooming herself like most kitties do. 

I had made this same appt. a while back, only to cancel at the last minute.  I wasn't ready.  It has taken me several months to finally realize this is not about me at all.  And part of owning a pet is to give them that one final act of kindness when their quality of life just is no longer what it should be.  Now, I hope, I can start to feel more at peace with this decision and can finally find the courage deep within me to face this terribly sad a 33 year old woman/cat owner/grown adult.

It's time.

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Lindsay said...

As I read this my heart goes out to you. In 2007 I went through the same thing with a black lab that I had had for about eleven years. I got her when I was sixteen and had to let her go when I was twenty seven. She went everywhere with me. It's funny bc when my husband and I went to the hotel room after we got married we went and picked her up and took her with us : ) No matter how old you are this is never easy. I cried for weeks before I went through one day with no tears. But you will get through it. Just remember all the good times and just take it one day at a time.

EllaBellaMozzarella said...

Thanks so much for your kind words! You're right, this is just never an easy thing. But deep down I know I'm doing what's right for her and that she's had a good you, she's been my buddy for a little over 11 years.

Thanks for checking out my blog and leaving your reassuring comment - it helps :)

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